Pictures from Mom

Dear Dad

This blogger app continues to frustrate, it won’t allow me to switch to my other blog ipraytoGodmysoultokeep.blogspot.com so I can write a prayer. Silly of me I know as writing to You and praying to Him basically has morphed into the same thing. I know you taught me that prayer is private and something between God and myself and blogging my prayers is the antithesis of privacy, but when I go back and read them I feel the Spirit and know it is really the best thing I do. Like right now I am writing to You but feel that He is listening, and I know feeling is pretty darn wishywashy and all but it’s really one of my greatest strengths. Being so emotional has always been one of my greatest weaknesses and a source of great embarrassment and pain in my life, but I remember you telling me my passions and emotions were a gift. I told my daughters the very same thing several times and it amazes me when I hear your words coming out of my mouth. I have found that my greatest weakness turns out to be my one true superpower. I have decided to trust my feelings and have faith in myself to discern their meaning. I have finally accepted the fact I am actually pretty smart, but my real genius lies deeper and is only expressed when I share my true feelings and emotions. When I share something that truly moves me through writing a song or taking a picture or telling a story I find who I am truly meant to be. 

Please dear Heavenly Father bless my mom, Nancy with strength and wisdom to face her current challenges. Thank You for helping me find what she thought to be stolen. Please protect me and my family as we travel tomorrow and deliver us home safely. I pray in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

“The More You Do...

...something the easier it gets” DDD. While writing a speech for me in the sixth grade. At the time he didn’t know I couldn’t read. 

Crazy how I am starting to remember things that for the longest time were to traumatic think about.

Dear DDD

I did it Dad. I wrote and published your book. Hope you like it. I think I’ve been avoiding this post because I knew it wouldn’t be easy. I’m crying. Literally crying as I write this, but that’s OK. Honestly, I cry all the time. Seems like more and more recently, but that’s OK. I laugh a lot too. Sometimes I cry because I’m so happy. So grateful. You are the toughest man I have ever known and you showed me it’s OK to cry. Essential actually.
Your book came from Amazon a couple days ago and I read it cover to cover. I cried a lot while reading it. One of the most surreal moments of my life. Lots of typos and things I would’ve done different, but none of that mattered. I was holding in my hands a dream I have had since you died. The imperfections made it perfect.
As I was struggling with the final edits before submitting to KDP my wife passed by my office door. I remember in frustration saying it’s so imperfect and she said, "Better done than perfect." As usual she was right. What is perfect anyway? Does it even exist? I think perfection is a myth, a ghost. A place I’ve never been and now realize, thank God, don’t have to be.
As I was laying here not sleeping and decided to write the book I’ve been thinking about for a long time. It’s fictional, but based on my real life personal experiences. It will be a combination of two of my blogs; Sickfreakingnightmares.blogspot.com and Cpapmanlives.blogspot.com. It’s about a poor slob who’s life was spiraling out of control. His health was failing and he was making terrible decisions trying to cope with his many debilitating symptoms. The worst party was that he was loosing his mind
...so I wrote for two more hours and told you the whole story and this dumb blogger app I’m using lost it. Uhhhhhgggg... oh well, guess I’ll just have to write it for real. I’ll let you know when it’s done.
Love you Dad,
A

Strength and weakness...

...are tangled things. They look so much alike we confuse them like we confuse love and hate.

Mark Beazley, friend of Carol! Friend of mine.

Lighter Collection

I was cleaning out my closet and came across my dad’s old lighter collection. Mary took our each lighter and line them up around my bathroom sink. She asked a lot questions while going through then. Why would your dad need so many lighters? How does this one work? Where did he get these? Why do you keep these? 

I keep them because they were his. He got them from all over the world. Each one of the work a little differently, let me show you. My dad needed so many lighters because he really liked making fires! 

These seemed to represent the collection well. This one is standard stainless steel flip lighter, but the engraved block M and 1952 mark it special. He got this lighter his Senior year at Maryland, already married to my mom, winning a Sugar Bowl, and soon to graduate!

Cigarette lighters are a bit out of place in our world. My mom smoked back then. The way she tells it everybody smoked in the 50’s, “

Self Publishing

I've decided to start self-publishing. Started in earnest today to write my first children's book titled, "The Dogs the Tree and the Hill" a simple story of finding your place In the world. Featuring my photography of my dogs, the tree and the hill.

Soon to follow, Dumbdumbdaddyo the book. Then Capturing Beauty. I'm pretty psyched! Wish me luck!

Sincerely,

Big K

Did you know dad was in the FBI?

Yes, I did. He would of gone back, but they didn’t want him going to law school. So he worked at the Pentagon and was given rank of colonel in the Air Force. I asked mom how that worked and she said Colonel Byrd set him up as an attaché to the CIA, but that he never really said much about it. From what I can tell he was a spy working the iron curtain up until he got his job with the Lumberman’s Association. My only evidence tho are his passports you gave me from the late 50’s and early 60’s loaded with stamps from Eastern European countries. 

I think there’s a ton of stuff we’ll never know about him because that’s the way he wanted it. Especially his service in the Pacific Theater at the end and after the war. Did you know he was a Sergeant in the Marines days away from leading a company on a beach landing of mainland Japan when we dropped the bombs. When I said I thought you were just a clerk and typest. He said was and his eyes watered up.

He was pretty far gone when I started asking the hard questions. 

I asked him a lot about his dad and I think he had more PTSD from him than from his service or football. 

Thanks. I have found a lot of random papers form different branches of the military. I’m sure there is more to the story

Can you believe this letter is addressed to Hoover? 

It was a little surreal 

Mom’s call

I printed some pictures of the fam for my mom as she doesn’t do digital. As almost an afterthought I also printed this old Keith family photo I had posted about recently. Mailed them off to her and forgot about it. So my mom calls last night and that’s very special for a lot of reasons. First, it’s the first time in a long time she has actually called me. Second, it’s the first time she’s called me in a very long time when nothing was wrong. 

She just called to say thank you for the pictures! Especially the old black and white one. Where did I get it? What made me think to send it to her? How wonderful it was to see it. "Your father never looked more handsome than he does in that picture!" She just couldn’t stop looking at it. It has made her day. Thank you for sending it.

Made me take a closer look. He was rather handsome. So young. So thin. So much like I used to look before I got old and fat and bald and started looking like the old DDD I used to know.

Figure it’s about time I got serious about this trend of getting older and fatter. Not to worried about the balder thing, but I need to start getting thinner and younger and healthier before it’s too late. Thanks for the call Mom. And your welcome. 🙂❤️👍