Best Christmas Card Ever!

Jeff Keith and Ben Pratt, 1983

Ben and my dad at our Senior high school banquet for football. In his Christmas card Ben enclosed a note that his father had died recently and while going through his stuff he found these pictures and thought I might want them.

Andy Keith, Matt Leahfeldt, and Burke Slater, 1983

 

Notice my DDD giving me horns! He was a kidder, teaser, tickler and loved to make us laugh. I almost didn't notice the horns but seeing them hit me pretty hard. I think I missed a lot of things back then especially a lot of really good things about my dad. It was definitely his horns because that's the way he did it, with both hands and not with the more popular one handed peace sign version. What I would give to go back to the last few years of him being playful and silly and happy. This was my senior year so this marks the demise of the man I started blogging to remember. He had already lost his last, "big" job and was about a year away from his first heart attack.

I  just recently lost my job. Laid off just before Christmas and I have really struggled emotionally. Finishing this post is the first blogging I've done since I got the news a month ago. A friend of mine who was also laid off at the same time called me the other day to ask if I've been writing. He confided that he is a professional writer and has had writers block since the day we were "displaced". His theory is that as stress increases creativity decreases. I agree with his theory. This leaves me two alternatives; one, stop blogging or two, learn to cope better with the stresses of unemployment and learn to enjoy life again stress or no stress!

I was in the cardio-cinema at Gold's Gym humping out a few miles on the treadmill today when I had a revelation. I have become my father, and not in a good way. The one who's pain and suffering and frustration and anger I lived with as I was becoming a man. The one who had his identity all wrapped up in his career and while I was in high school lost it all. When you have had so much it's hard to loose it all. I witnessed him loose his career, his wealth, his homes, and his health.

Several times since I started this blog these cardio-cinema revelations have hit me like a ton a bricks. Fortunately it's dark because no one likes to see a big bald guy like me crying like a baby. What came to me was a memory I've buried deep down inside and I wish I had just forgotten all together. It's when I told my dad I had been offered a football scholarship to Miami University and I was hoping it would make his day. Instead through tears he sobbed an apology. He said he was sorry. He didn't want it to be this way. He said he didn't want me to feel like I had to take a scholarship to be able to afford to go to college. He said he always thought when I got my scholarship (he said he always knew I would get one) that he was going to tell me not to take it. But if I didn't listen and accepted it anyways (which he knew I would) he was going buy me any damn car I wanted (I was driving my sisters old beat up Pacer at the time). And then he said he was sorry he was crying and he was very proud of his Bitty Buddy.