The Love of My Father

I was reading the Bible and my Father spoke me. Beyond the words I was reading He spoke to me. In my heart I heard what he was saying all my life. He loved me. Reading the story of the Prodigal Son in the Book of Mark something wonderful happened. Something opened in me that I had not known  was closed. Something softened in me that I had not known was hard. I knew the parable well. Almost skipped it as I knew it so well after hearing the parable and reading it countless times. My first thought was there is no going home for me. I am home. My Father is dead. I am the father now. But I read. And then I read it again and could not stop the tears. Our Father loves me more than I ever had imagined possible. And nothing that I have ever done or will ever do will change that.

The parables of Jesus should not be taken lightly. This changes everything.

I now know there is love that is undeserved and unmerited. God's love. I spent my whole life trying to earn my Father's love. Even after his death I continue to work and achieve and excel and win in order to deserve the love He gave me. My Dad told me he loved me every day of my life. I thought it was because of all the wonderful things I did and accomplished. The trophies I brought home. The awards I brought home. The championships I had won. The scholarship I had earned and the degrees I had achieved. The things I did for him and Mom.

But when I failed or lost or shamed myself and our family he was always there for me. When I wrecked his brand new Cadillac on a joy ride downtown he told me it was only a car and that what mattered most was that I was alright and that I had come home to him. And when I was beaten by the police and arrested he believed in me.

This blog has been a journey. I started this blog because I love my DDD so much. I wanted to honor him. Not let his story fade to nothing. To remember him. To do something for him. To show him that I loved him. To merit his love. To try and earn what he had always given me for free.

This blog is no longer about how much I loved him. It is now about how much He loves me.