A Sad Life

I talked to Chloe for some clarification of the last post. I told her what her mother had said about her weeping after reading my blog. I first asked if it was DDD? She said it was my Truth Is blog and she had read only one post because it was opened on my laptop. I asked did you really say it made you feel like I didn't love myself? She said, "No I don't think I said that, I think I said I wept because you lived such a sad life."

I have lived a sad life. What I have written has made my daughter weep, because the life I have written about is sad. A,sad,life.

I get it. There has been a tremendous amount of pain and grief in my life. I assured her that most of that is in the past, obviously, but I also married your mother in the past. And we have had you and your sisters and our dogs and have experienced more joy than I ever thought possible. True happiness. Grace of God Blessings from Heaven kind of joy that supersedes all the sadness of my life. Sadness doesn't go away. You know I often weep too. I cry when I think of who I've lost because I love them so much. I cry now for the joy they brought into the world and shared with me. It the past I would cry for being sad. Now I cry much more for being so happy, so blessed, so lucky. 

I want you to know this. I have a wonderful life. Happy and sad, rich and poor, there have been good times and bad, happy and sad, to me you are everything and this you should know, I'll follow you anywhere, wherever you go. Know that I love you. Know that I care. Together for ever forever I Swear.

In the last few days I have learned a lot about myself. There's a lot to love in me. I read this clip from the Dali Llama about if you cannot love yourself you can't love others. I thought I may be short changing those who I love by not taking the time and effort to love my self.

I love the dad I am. I am trying hard to be the man I've always wanted to be. I love the husband I am to my wife. I love what we've done to build this life. I love that I went back to school. I love that I write. I love that I breathe through the night while I sleep. I love all the memories in my head that I keep. I love I tell stories that can make someone weep. I love that my thinking is sometimes deep.

I guess I've always loved me. Not hard to see. Wear my heart on my sleeve. I love my dogs and they love me. I am as loyal to them as they are to me. This is a most wonderful way to be.

I love my wonderful life. I get to live with my wonderful wife. We live with our wonderful daughters and dogs. Right here right now, right here in this place, I love myself, I love His Grace. I am happy.