Do I love myself?

My wife said Chloe (my 13 year old) read your blog and it made her weep. I asked which blog? She said your blog. I assume this one. I realized the others are insignificant in comparison. But maybe my prayer blog or Truth Is? No, has to be this one.

Shot to my gut. Never felt this way about what I've been writing. I tried not to show it, but it really bothered me. I asked what she said. She said it made her weep. She started crying when she told her. What did she say?
She said it makes her feel like you don't love yourself.

I'm writing this because now I can't sleep. I'm thinking this might be it. My last post. Wow. Chloe's really smart. Brilliant. She loves me. She knows me. I'm afraid to even talk to her about it for clarification because she's right. I just never thought about it I guess. I love everyone. I love her so much, and her mother, and her sisters, and the dogs, everyone else too, passionately. But me. Do I love myself?

I wrote this blog to honor the legacy my father has left me and in doing so have exposed the most obvious character flaw I posess. I'm I'm I am at a loss. I don't know. I guess I never really thought what I wrote mattered. I never really thought about what I was doing. I think for once in my life I was doing something that brought clarity to my thinking, to my mind, and my past, but this, now I'm weeping.

Do I love myself? Right now, through my tears, best I can do is say I no longer hate myself. I've come a long way actually. I've been trying to forgive myself. My word for this year is forgiven. Seemed odd at the time when I declared it. Makes sense now I guess. It's a start.

OK, now what do I do? For now I guess I'll go write a prayer. That always helps me sleep. Maybe He can help me love me. Going forward I will focus more on my fiction and less about my past. Don't think I'll ever leave DDD for good, but for now maybe need a little break. Maybe go work on my relationship with me a bit. Come back when I can write with a voice that loves itself.