Saturday, February 15, 2020
Dear Dad
Wanted to share a picture of my visit with Mom this week. She doing really well and your Big Buddy is taking such good care of her. He got her a new bed and it has been really good for both her body and mind. I know you have always been proud of him, but you’d be really proud of the man he has become. I think you were always harder on him than you were on me. And I also think he softened your heart and allowed us to have such a closer relationship. I don’t know what I’m trying to say, who am I to judge, other than one who loves both of you more than these little words can say. Anyway I thank God for my big brother and thank you too.
Thursday, February 6, 2020
Will you ever be happy
When I find myself posting and writing and creating about something it is usually a sign I find I am trying to fill some apparent void in myself. My previous post here on DDD and in Truth Is and in I Pray and elsewhere in Social Media all appear to be the case. An obvious attempt to cheer myself up or fill this void of unhappiness I find myself in.
Had another particularly bad day of work today. I tried not venting to my wife tonight as I see how negatively this has been affecting her, but I failed. She asked me, “Do you think you will ever be happy again?” Heartbroken I responded in one of my recent Mematic creations, “I believe in the possibility of happiness.” Pretty sad. Pathetic actually. Not sure I even know what happiness is anymore. She said that’s all she really wants is for me to be happy. Unfortunately that puts me in the position of not being able to give the woman I love the only thing she really wants.
Being happy is maybe not all that it’s cracked up to be. I think it more of a response to positive stimulus than an actual state of emotion. Maybe if I start focusing on the joy I feel inside of me I may start to at least start looking happier for her and the girls. Maybe if I start focusing on being grateful for all the love around me and start being a little more optimistic my attitude may improve and I won’t continue to look so unhappy. Because when you have a lot people counting on you looking a little happier is not too much to ask. Is it?
Maybe it’s time to actually write Sad Mad Bad Dad instead of just being one. Maybe write the kids version first drawing from my own personal experience growing up during the demise of DDD. The follow up with the adult version drawing from the experience of me pull my head out of my own ass once again.
Sounds like a plan to me.
AK
Had another particularly bad day of work today. I tried not venting to my wife tonight as I see how negatively this has been affecting her, but I failed. She asked me, “Do you think you will ever be happy again?” Heartbroken I responded in one of my recent Mematic creations, “I believe in the possibility of happiness.” Pretty sad. Pathetic actually. Not sure I even know what happiness is anymore. She said that’s all she really wants is for me to be happy. Unfortunately that puts me in the position of not being able to give the woman I love the only thing she really wants.
Being happy is maybe not all that it’s cracked up to be. I think it more of a response to positive stimulus than an actual state of emotion. Maybe if I start focusing on the joy I feel inside of me I may start to at least start looking happier for her and the girls. Maybe if I start focusing on being grateful for all the love around me and start being a little more optimistic my attitude may improve and I won’t continue to look so unhappy. Because when you have a lot people counting on you looking a little happier is not too much to ask. Is it?
Maybe it’s time to actually write Sad Mad Bad Dad instead of just being one. Maybe write the kids version first drawing from my own personal experience growing up during the demise of DDD. The follow up with the adult version drawing from the experience of me pull my head out of my own ass once again.
Sounds like a plan to me.
AK
Wednesday, February 5, 2020
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