Yep

Fear dad

Dear dad, fear’s the thing, I was afraid of loosing you. You were always so brave. Brave enough for all of us. Always. I know you had plenty to worry about and had your fears, but you had courage. Real courage. You always knew things were going to work out. That things were going to be ok. Even when it wasn’t. 

I’m afraid. Mostly afraid of being afraid. I’ve told the kids a couple of times that nothing scares me. I’m not ticklish and nothing scares me. That was you dad. More than anything I want to be brave for them. Like you were for us. 

Nothing takes more courage than facing the one thing in life that is sure. It will end. While you were dieing I wasn’t willing to face this truth. When Carol died I avoided this truth with passion. 

When you died I wasn’t there. I was home with Suzy and she was about to have Chloe. I was so scared. Terrified. I wish I were there. I guess it wasn’t meant to be. The time after you died and before Chloe was born is anathema to what I’m trying to say. It all worked out. I was ok. Even tho I wasn’t. But I had to be. 

If I could actually talk with you right now I would tell you how grateful I am to be your son. You were as imperfect as I am as a father, but the legacy you’ve left in me burns bright. Fatherhood. For better or worse I am trying as hard as you did to be a good dad. 

Hope. Hope born of love. That’s what you gave us. That’s what you gave me. Something to truly believe in. That life is worth living. That no matter how bad it gets things will eventually get better. No matter how rotten life gets it is always worth fighting for. You always helped me focus on what was possible. Hope for a better tomorrow will always make anything possible. I think of all you went through in your life. The incredible highs and the incredible lows and through it all you lived in the moment and looked forward to what was next. Life. 

I’ve come back to add a few words. I left some things out. When you died I was very sad, I grieved. I was so worried about Suzy being so pregnant and Kayla being so young and missing your funeral back in Maryland. I woke up Thursday morning and I was wreck. Literally a nervous wreck. I was still working. Selling groceries to restaurants for commission. I had to keep working so I could take a week off after Chloe was born. I woke up really early to go to men’s fraternity at my church. I know. I almost skipped it, but knew I need help. I needed something. I shared what I was going through with a bunch of older men at our table. Good men. Wise men. Holy men. At the end of the gathering they put their hands on me and our pasture lead the whole gathering in a prayer for me. It was powerful. Literally a miraculous experience. Allgram was his name. His words washed over me. He asked God to take away from me my troubles. He instructed me to trust in God to put me where He wanted me to be. As we prayed the words melted away and waves of comfort washed over me. Like water, Love, flowed around me. Through me. A baptism of Spirit. I was healed. Made well. You were there. I left that morning a different person. A man. I spent the day arranging my affairs. Freeing myself for what was about to happen. 

That night Chloe’s journey into this world would begin. Suzy was amazing. Kayla too. They were so brave. Kayla was so mad when our friends came to take her away. Suzy walked herself up to maternity while Kayla and I parked the car. We hurried but never did catch up to her. Suzy labored through the night and into the morning. Shortly after Suzy’s mother made it to us from St. Paul Chloe was born. I was so happy. I was in Love. I knew You were there too. You were so proud of us. The next day I would attend your funeral and share this happiness and Love with our family and friends. The following day I would return home to bring Suzy and Chloe home from the hospital. I was truly grateful. I am truly grateful. For Love. For life. Existence. Being. Life.

I think therefore I am. I love therefore I live.

Unafraid to be Happy

Love this family portrait. The Keith family 1967 in Cleveland, Ohio. We look happy. Unafraid. Proof positive that I, in fact, was the baby of the family. 

Today I was delivered a brand new file cabinet from my new employer and as I was transferring some files from my old one I ran into this picture along with some clippings from my dad’s old wood box of wisdom. One clipping in particular caught my attention. Dated 1947 this clipping was read and clipped by my father twenty years before this family portrait was taken. As it was in a file and not in the wood box I must have pulled it years ago to post, but never got to it. Better late than never.

From the catchy title to the Lincoln paraphrase this clip is very intriguing. But the premise, the premise is pure gold. You can choose to be happy. Or as Abe put it, you can make up your mind to be happy. You may also choose to be unafraid. Unafraid of life. Unafraid to be happy. These choices are made easy to swallow as they are for only one day, as we can do anything for a day. That one day being today. Now. 

Enjoy the beautiful! I find joy in seeing beauty everywhere. To enjoy the beautiful you must first recognize it. In people. In nature. In life. So much of it goes overlooked. I really enjoy capturing unexpected beauty with photography. I find joy in sharing it. 

The more I read this clip the more it intrigues me. The trying not to solve the problem of life all at once sentence for instance. What is the problem of life? Is there only one? If there is can it be solved over time then? I guess if I had to answer my first question I’d say finding the meaning of life. And that thought brings me directly to a DDDism, "Life is not meant to be understood it’s meant to be lived." My dad said this to me a couple of times. Usually when I was overthinking things.   Or overwhelmed by life’s many problems. 

Lastly, the title. How to Enjoy the Happiest Day of Your Life. Not how to have it, but how to enjoy it! Now there’s the trick, enjoyment. How to enjoy. A day. A life. A moment. Beauty. I once wrote a small piece, Joy. It will come if you let it. I wrote it at a low point in my life. I didn’t find joy that day. I let it find me. When I made up my mind to let it in I was literally overwhelmed by joy. Humbled by it. As I am now. 

I guess where I’m headed with this thought is anyone can enjoy their happiest day, but finding joy on a bad day is the trick to living a happy life. 

Iris

Karen once painted this plate like a peddle of an Iris flower. Not the whole flower, just one of the peddles. It was beautiful. I never really knew what it was until long after she was gone. I think J still has it. Now every spring when the Iris start to bloom in my garden box (which I inherited with the purchase of our house) I think of her. Her favorite color is purple, mine too.

It’s like God is setting off fireworks in my backyard every Spring in her honor. 

Home

The sweetest word in the English language. Home. Love is the greatest, Home, is delicious. Even just the idea of Home warms the heart. The place all of us wish to return. Not a place really. Or a space. It’s much, much more than that. To me anyway. I’ve been blessed with many homes. Half a century of homes. Some better than others along the way, but there has always been one for me. That true North. An anchor. A refuge. The end to every journey. A place of rest. The soft place to land. Where you can scratch where it itches (total DDDism).

As I am currently away from home on business, again, I long to be there. Sick to be there. Truly homesick. 

What makes a home? Love. It’s where your love is. It’s where you long to be. It’s the one place in the world that transcends it’s reality, time, space and circumstance. When it’s no longer there It exists in your heart, mind and Soul until it is once again replaced anew. 

The first time I was unmoored from my home was in the 3rd grade. We moved from Cleveland to Maryland. A magnificent house above the Potomac River in a magically beautiful area in a neighborhood full of other children and adventure. It would take quite some time, however, before it would become a home. My eldest sister stayed back in Ohio to finish her Senior year of high. My other sister was so sick with leukemia and my father started a really big job. We also bought another house at the beach and even got a boat! It was quite a year. Shortly after that first summer in Ocean City Karen died. Carol moved off to college and then Bootsie died. There were times there that my big brother and I curse the day we left our home in Richmond Hights. Hard to believe the privilege of living in Potomac, Maryland paled to the little Home we left behind in Cleveland. But we had each other and Mom and Dad and Carol and Pepi! 7100 Masters Drive. The Home I grew up in became a wonderful home. While in high school my parents moved into Bethesda to down size. Hard to believe a house on Tulip Hill of Mass Ave was a downsize. Blows my mind actually, but they kept me in the Whitman school district and life moved on. When I went away to college my parents kinda became homeless. They lived in the basement with all their furniture and stuff in the garage oh my mom’s childhood best friend, Peggy’s house. They eventually got a town house in Rockville before settling down permanently in the beach house.