big J

Spent the weekend in Snowmass with the person I admire the most, my big brother J. He is the best big brother ever. As we were re-hashing the glory years he said, "I think we were raised by two different men." It breaks my heart to have to agree with him. He was hard on my brother. And my brother was hard on him. I guess that can happen when you share the same name. He said the only advice he ever got about football from Dad was, "Hit the other guy first and hit him hard!" Pretty good advice, but not enough to keep him in the sport past sophomore year of high school. J quiting football taught me a lot about how to handle two very influential men in my life, my Dad and my Coach. J taught me everything I know about treating people with love, respect and kindness when they don't give any in return. By example and with candor he taught me everything from throwing a curve ball to appreciating good music. For most of our childhood he was three times my size and had no qualms about reminding me of the fact that he was the BIG brother, but my Dad had no qualms of letting him know he was BIGGEST of all. Many times when these giants clashed I had to run and hide to keep from being squashed. There is comfort in knowing your brother was the biggest kid in the neighborhood and your Dad was the biggest guy around. I remember seeing him beat up two big guys at a Cleveland Browns football game for stepping all over his kids while cutting through our isle, but that is neither hear nor there.

Looking back, J taught my Dad a lot about fatherhood and what he learned he used on me. Now we are both fathers and I am so grateful for his example.

By the time I was playing ball his, hit them first and hit them hard advice had evolved into a lesson in the greatest forces of nature. He taught me the greatest of these is love, “but this will take you a lifetime to appreciate.”

The summer before my sophomore year of high school he told me the secret of besting men far bigger than me in football. He taught me the two greatest forces in nature as applied to football. The forces of leverage and momentum, used properly, you can move or stop anybody and you can stand your ground or blow someone up. In football it was simple, whoever is lowest has leverage and who ever gets moving fastest first has the momentum. He said, “Standing still and upright on the field will get you killed.” He said it in his way that meant he meant it. In his eyes there was something I wouldn’t decipher for years. Later, I would recognize that look as his fear for me to face things he could understand, but not explain. Twelve concussions and a college education later and I got it. I wouldn’t want my son to play football either.

My dad said after one game that I was a force of nature, “I always thought you were overly emotional until I saw what intensity it can spark in you. When you get mad you are unstoppable. There is a rage in you that I never had. You need to learn how to tap that. Tonight you were a force of nature!” He said that.