If you have read a lot of dumb dumb daddy-o you may have come to the conclusion that my dad was some kind of super hero. Maybe he was in some ways or maybe that’s just what I wanted him to be. Recently, I have been coping with a string of bad and confusing recollections that have slowed my pace of DDD posts to a crawl. This exercise in remembering the young man I didn’t get to know has me running into the old man I sometimes couldn’t stand and this old man is me.

My dad was so sarcastic I don’t know if I ever really knew what he was trying to tell me. Several years ago I couldn’t say anything to my daughter Chloe without her bawling and running to her room inconsolable. It was so bad I started to think there was something seriously wrong with her until my wife explained, “She doesn’t get your sarcasm!” Oh, what’s wrong with her is she has a dumb dumb daddy-o as a father.

Recently, I was playing a rare game of golf with a friend and on the last tee of the day I was punched in the face with a painful dumbdumbdaddyoism. I had been crushing the ball all day and driving the long ball is one of my favorite athletic accomplishments. Every once in a while, when the planets and stars align and the wind and gravity are in my favor I can make the green with my drive on a par four. I was sure this was going to be one of those drives so I gave it all I had duffing it in the process. The ball didn’t make it past the ladies’ tee and I strained my brittle back and worst of all I clearly heard my dad say, “You should swing a little harder next time.” I knew he was being sarcastic and it would make me so mad. So just like I would when I was a kid I teed up a Mulligan and swung for the fences. And just like back then I launched it impossibly far, rocketing it irretrievably out of bounds, and out of sight. My buddy asked what that was all about and I chuckled saying that one was for my Old Man.

“Hit it Alice.”

“Hardly worth looking up for!”

“You hit it where you were aiming.”

“This is a golf cart not a race car.”

“This is golf not ping pong.”

“This is golf not rocket science.”

“Go ahead and hit it, they’ll move.”

“If there was a green over there that would’ve been a great shot.”

“You better hurry up and slow down.”

“It’s already dead. You don’t have to kill it.”

“Swing a little harder next time!”

“What do I know? I’m just your Dumb Dumb Daddy-o.”

Dad, can you please not talk during my back-swing?